Playfully jumping on me for a piggy-back, my friend surprised me from behind and I fell to the ground.
Hunched over in a ball I yelled up to him in a panic, “Get off, get off, get off!” Pressing down between my shoulder blades he pushed off, my back snapped, and I screamed.
In that long moment of blinding pain, I thought I was paralyzed.
I was in grade 8 when it happened. Raised by two loving parents, my childhood was otherwise trauma-free.
The doctors said it was severe whiplash, but the shock faded later that day so I received no treatment.
12 years later I began to discover and unravel the physical trauma that I’d unknowingly let set like poured concrete.
My body seemed to function normally on the outside, but on the inside it felt mangled. I never thought to call it chronic pain. It just became my new normal.
I didn’t know it at the time, but that incident set me off on a search for meaning, for something more in life beyond pain and suffering.
I developed a need to constantly heal my body to relieve its pain. I couldn’t help but improve myself. I couldn’t stop or settle because the pain wouldn’t let me. Pain became my teacher and she was relentless.
That ambition became a part of me, while underneath it, my search for meaning continued. Every job I had growing up I asked myself, “Is this something I could do for the rest of my life?”
After university I worked as a server until I moved to a new city for a promising career as a project manager. I remember calling my dad crying one month in, terrified that I had made the wrong decision. I didn’t like the work, but I decided to give it a chance.
Maybe I could choose to be happy and learn to love it.
One year later, I still dreaded going to work. It was sucking the life force out of me.
Even though I had a lot of freedom, it wasn’t the of type freedom I wanted. Even though I had great pay, benefits, and lots of room to grow, I wasn’t fulfilled. I’d mistaken comfort for happiness. On top of that, the work didn’t feel meaningful. I wanted to make a difference. Even though I didn’t know what it was yet, I wanted to do my work, not someone else’s.
I decided I would find a way to support myself by doing work that I loved so I could quit my job.
Not long after, a volunteer opportunity at a yoga retreat center turned into an offer to be the General Manager. Creating a space for people to escape the daily grind and reconnect with themselves felt like meaningful work so I used my spare time to prepare for its opening. This could be my way out.
I was excited, but also scared.
What would mom and dad say? I was afraid of disappointing them if I gave up the security they had helped provide me. I was afraid of letting down my friend’s dad who had hired me and invested a year in my training. At the same time, I and my girlfriend – who had moved with me to the new city – were breaking up. In my heart I knew what I needed to do, but I still felt conflicted:
“Do I follow what I’m supposed to do, or what I want to do?”
Driven by my desire to break free from the Script of Life – go to school, get a job, buy a house, get married, have kids, and retire at 65 – I starting investing in my personal development. It wasn’t easy spending so much money on myself but a part of me knew I had to.
I quit my job and was surprised when my employer suggested I shift to part-time work to benefit us both in the transition. I worked 4 days at the retreat center, 3 days project managing, and used my spare time to build an online course and website to create passive income.
But things didn’t turn out as planned.
I sensed I wasn’t tapping into my gifts or potential at the retreat center and my plan to create passive income was missing something. I was busy and making progress but I had the sense that I was running on a hamster wheel.
That’s when I met my coach.
I read an article he wrote on creative avoidance that explained how we unconsciously avoid doing the work that’s most important.
I sensed I was sabotaging myself,
“I’m busy but I feel like I’m not getting anywhere so I’d rather find out now what I’m not seeing than regret it later.”
The financial investment to hire my coach stretched me. Is it worth it? I couldn’t know until I tried. The real question was: Am I worth it? I couldn’t ask of others what I was unwilling to do for myself, so I jumped in. That decision proved to me: I am worthy of what I want.
A couple sessions in, I was surprised when I learned my gift was coaching. With new purpose, I quit the retreat center, weaned down to one day per week project managing, and started coaching.
Finally I was at the precipice.
Putting behind the pain of following the Script of Life felt momentous.
Coaching wasn’t supporting me yet, but the same voice that had called me to bet on myself all those times before pulled me forward: You know it’s time. I would figure out how to fly on the way down.
The attachments I had to what I was supposed to do, and who I was supposed to be, were gone. I walked in to work, sat down with my boss, and said, “Today is the day.” I felt at peace.
Today I am comforted in knowing, that if I died tomorrow, I would have no regrets. I’m living a life true to myself. I get to do what I love for a living. My spiritual journey and my entrepreneurial journey are one and the same.
I don’t believe we have to quit our jobs to find freedom or meaning in life. But I do believe far more is possible for all of us if we’re willing to question our beliefs and the way we see the world.
I believe we’re all here for a reason. We all have valuable gifts that the world needs us to share.
My gift is guiding you to see and connect with yourself and others in a way that you don’t currently realize is possible. I’m here to guide you to resolve your past, to live in the present, and to create the future you want. I’m here to facilitate the transition from living in your mind to being in your heart. I’m here to guide you to experience deeper truth, meaning, freedom, and connection in your life.
I didn’t choose what I’m naturally good at. I chose to do what I’m designed to do, and I love what I’m designed to do! It is my deepest honor and privilege to be let into your life to walk with you on your journey.
Need some YOU time?
Download this free audio training: Introduction to Mindfulness Meditation for Focus, Relaxation and Stress Reduction.